The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
