I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
