my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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