dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
