I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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