a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
