Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
