It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is my gift to your gina
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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