ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
