Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
