yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
