Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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