Little spoons don't ask big questions
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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