Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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