SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
