just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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