dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
