the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
