stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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