I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
