I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
