I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
