Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
