I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
