Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
