insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
