I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
