Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When did angry sex become our thing?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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