I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
