Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
