I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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