My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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