god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
