Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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