respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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