Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
