the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
