before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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