Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
