You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
