We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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