you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
