She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
