The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
