From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
