Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
