My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
