Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
