Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
