yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
