While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
