I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
