I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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