she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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